Wednesday, August 30, 2006

What the hell happened to John Mayer?

He's gotten more bloated than Elvis' corpse. I just don't understand how you can be that rich and that single and that pasty. John, if you're out there, listen: I still love your music, even though I sometimes confuse you with Jack Johnson. I will still buy your albums. However, maybe you should start drinking some water and cutting down on the beef intake. You look like most of the Chicago branch of my family from back in the 50s. Also, please go outside from time to time. It does not help that you're being photographed here with an Oompa Loompa. Wait, that's Jessica Simpson. Maybe an Oompa Loompa would be better -- at least they can sing.

Submitted for your approval, I've got old, hot John Mayer on the left together with new, bloated John Mayer on the right. I'm sure there are pictures out there that show the difference more starkly, but you'll have to trust me on this one.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

John Mayer? I know you hippie chicks dig the homo yuppie "rock," but sheez. He's so fucking sensitive I could puke.
Anyway, I hope you're doing well. You're no longer in San Diego, obviously? What are you doing in Denver? Working in the media?
Take care.
Launce
P.S. El bidet sirve para lavarse las partes impudicas.

Elizabeth said...

Dude, your name just links back to the LV Sun? I guess that answers my question about whether you're still toiling for that sad rag. Although I think I've discovered a paper even worse than the Sun -- that's right, the Denver Post. Jesus, who edits that shit? I'm going with no one. I don't work there, mind you, I just try really hard to not get stuck reading it for any reason.

You didn't leave an email or anything, and I'm not dirtying my computer looking for one on the Sun's website, so this is all I have: responding to a comment on my own blog. I'm in Denver with my boyfriend -- we moved out here because he got a job transfer. I'm contracting for the same company I worked for in SD,copy editing and writing my little heart out. Mostly writing. Lame.

I thought of you the other day, when I was in BigLots and saw that all the tiki shit was like 70% off. Awesome. I'd have more tiki stuff in my backyard, but it would look so sad covered in snow.

Thanks for the reiteration on the bidet advice there.