CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!

How come terror attack plans always have to be thwarted right before I need to fly somewhere? Next time I'll send my travel itinerary to Al Qaeda so they can schedule their jihad for like the week after I fly.

Because of a terror attack plan that has been conveniently thwarted by the TSA, we are now at Code Orange. I shall illustrate:



Now I've flown during Code Orange plenty in these troubled times, and it pretty much means that you just have to brace yourself for exceptionally stupid demands from the screeners ("Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to turn on your computer, take the batteries out of your camera, and do up a quick potholder so I can ascertain that those knitting needles are in fact authentic.")

Unfortunately, this time it's a little different. According to TSA Secretary Michael "Skeletor" Chertoff, they aren't allowing any liquids onboard flights. None. No bottles of water, no lotion, no hair gel, no contact lens solution. I'm fine with this, as they've got drugstores where we're going, but I weep for my soul as I anticipate the mess this is going to be in the screening line. Acres of people bitching that they didn't see the news, most of them women of a creepily indeterminate age trying to tell the bored x-ray operator exactly how much that face lotion cost per ounce. It's not going to be pretty.

Chertoff closed his statement by saying, "Travelers should go about their plans confidently, while maintaining vigilance in their surroundings and exercising patience with screening and security officials."

Nathan would like to know why we can't hire Mad-Eye Moody to be the TSA Secretary. CONSTANT VIGILANCE sounds so much more threatening coming from him.