Disgusting product of the day

Okay, I stopped throwing up long enough to post this. There is a specialty cookie company out there called Good Fortunes that will put any picture you want on graham crackers covered in white chocolate. They are very festive and pretty and probably tasty. And expensive. And I acknowledge that there's a market out there for that kind of thing: wedding favors, sweet 16 birthday parties, birth announcements... actually, let's stop there.

Good Fortunes offers a very special way to share the good news with your loved ones. For only $22.50, they will create 8 lavishly decorated cookies, each emblazoned with an edible keepsake photo of your ultrasound. Nothing says "Mmm mmm good" to me like a fetus, I tell you.


I want to go back in time to when being pregnant was just something that you did. Like, you get pregnant, you're pregnant for a while, then you have a baby and everyone thinks it's cute. Now people are photocopying their ultrasounds for the office bulletin board, putting their ultrasounds on t-shirts, hats, mugs, their mantle, and apparently cookies too.

LISTEN -- it is just an ugly smudge. I know it's an ugly smudge that represents the purpose of your whole life, but it is still a nasty ugly smudge of a naked undeveloped fetus. Do not put it on a goddamn cookie and expect me to put it in my goddamn mouth.

Thank you for your time.