That thieving little bastard.

The tranquil peace of my backyard was shattered early this morning by that devious little turd known as Stinky the squirrel. I had put up a bird feeder on Friday to get some of that chirpy bird action that our next door neighbors enjoy.

It only took Stinky about 36 hours to figure out how to get at the food. I reckon he jumped on top of the thing and the string broke, allowing him and his girlfriend complete access to the tasty wonders within.

It was so sad. I got up this morning to find the both of them gorging their greedy little faces, while 5 or 6 birds stood by, watching helplessly. I present you with pictures of the quote, scene of the crime, unquote. No, they may not be twenty-four eight by ten color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, explaining what each one is*, but they still convey the horror.


The quote, scene of the crime, unquote.
The thieving little bastard in action.


This is so you can get a good look at him, in case he comes to your neighborhood to try similar shenanigans.









I have enhanced the details of his face for you to get a really good look at him. Don't give in to his cute appearance -- this squirrel is an unreformed criminal. He will come for your family sooner or later.





*If you find yourself humming "Alice's Restaurant" for the rest of the day, I fully accept all blame. If you don't find yourself humming "Alice's Restaurant" for the rest of the day, there's something wrong with you and you might want to go out right now and find a copy of The Best of Arlo Guthrie. Because it's a movement, people. It's the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar. And remember, if you want to end the war and stuff you got to sing loud. With feeling.