Yes! Stop it! I'm AWARE!

Look. I'm aware that breast cancer exists. I'm aware, that like most other types of cancer, there is currently no cure. I'm aware that it's caused by overexposure to pink ribbons and can be treated by repeated exposure to 5 and 10K runs. Oh, it can't? Clearly I am not aware enough.

The breast cancer people have finally got enough PR people to ensure that they get the hell marketed out of Breast Cancer Awareness month. I can't think of a disease that gets more play than breast cancer. AIDS, maybe. I mean, Bono and Oprah are on the AIDS awareness train, so that's pretty strong.

But breast cancer wins when it comes to sheer omnipresent marketing. There are gigantic pink ribbons on many of the office buildings in our area, there are posters, bus shelters, TV commercials... and then there's the food packaging. I should be able to eat yogurt without having to worry about breast cancer. Breakfast cereal? There it is. Let me tell you, it's gone a touch overboard:

Andy Warhol, wherever he is, is cackling like a madman over this. Here's where I'm going with this -- what is the point?

How does putting a pink ribbon on a can of soup help anyone, besides making Campbell's look caring and making the consumer feel warm and fuzzy for buying something that carries a vague allusion to fighting for a cancer cure? Here's a suggestion: take that money that it took you to print up special labels and box tops, or to buy a 100 pound pink ribbon for the top of your office building, and actually give it to organizations who DO fight cancer in one way or another. Save your empty gestures, because not only do I not care to start with, but now you're pissing me off by trying to make me believe that you care.

Actually, this goes for all you ribbon people. Red AIDS ribbons, funky puzzle piece autism ribbons, and especially, Lord, ESPECIALLY the yellow ribbon troop supporters. How exactly is that yellow ribbon-shaped magnet supporting anyone but the manufacturers of said magnet?
"I support the troops." What does that mean, exactly? Do you send them new Kevlar vests and packages of Oreos? No? Then how are you supporting them? Oh, you do send them Oreos? Fantastic! You're a good person. Do you really need a magnet on the back of your SUV to tell people that?

Tell you what. I am grateful that there are men and women out there willing to go do the evil bidding of our crazy president, because I wouldn't want to have to. I'm grateful that they're out there fighting the good fight. I'm not sure if that's the same thing as supporting, unless you count the fact that I pay my taxes on time. I'm also going to be voting, early and often, in the hopes that I can support the troops further by helping them to come home and be with their families for their next Christmas, Hanukkah, or Eid al-Fitr. But I don't need a ribbon. If it makes you feel better, fantastic, but I don't need one. This means you, neighbor who comes over and asks us if we want a ribbon on our door.*

Sorry to get all negative on you, Readers. I'm just a little ribboned out. What color ribbon is "victim of charity awareness"? I'll take two.

*This didn't happen to us here in CO, but did happen at my parents' house in Fullerton.