"Your pizza experience managed by Christ"
This is probably what happens when Papa John's Employee #25837 wrote in CHRISTOPHER J BLOOMSFELD on his job application and W-4. He couldn't see into the future, because if he had been able to, surely he would have just put "Chris." Either that, or he's never looked at the side of the box and had Assistant Shift Lead Chad change his name in the system. Or he's seen it and just doesn't care. But since I've never met an apathetic pizza store employee, that can't be right.
I mean, I guess it's possible that Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ* had a hand in managing my pizza experience, but if that's the case why wasn't it hotter when we got it, and why did we have to wait for a kid to drive it to our house? If I was Christ, and I was a pizza manager, I'd impress the snot out of people by making the pizza just appear in their homes. "Pizza by Jesus -- If it's not transubstantiated to your front door in a half hour or less, it's FREE!"
I'm willing to go one further. Jesus Christ is obviously busy and may be looking to franchise out his pizza managing acumen. Perhaps the Jehovah's Witnesses could help him out and, at the same time, increase their face-time with the public. They're going door to door anyway. Is there a reason they couldn't throw a light box on top of their car and deliver a few pies while they're out there?
* Would Jesus have to put the "H." on his W-4? Does Jesus have to pay taxes? I mean, he's probably technically an Israeli citizen -- he would have to work for cash under the table.
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