I was in a Trader Joe's-type store, but everything was discounted, like a dollar store. I was excited to find the Lean Cuisine frozen pizzas that I like so much, and planned to buy a whole case of 12 or whatever.
So I was looking at one carefully to determine what was wrong with it (this was after all a discount store) and I saw the following cooking directions.
"These are being sold at a discount because we, here at the factory, couldn't make them cook at the recommended 350 degrees. They only cook at a temperature of approximately 17 Satan. Microwave instructions: We haven't found a microwave that goes up to 17 Satan, so we don't recommend it."
I wasn't surprised by this information at all--I just figured I'd throw one in the oven until it cooked, so I could figure out how hot "hot as hell" really was.
But wait, there's more.
Right next to the pepperoni ones, there were some ham and pineapple ones. Looking at the back of the package, I saw that "These only make sparks at 17 Satan. They don't cook until 18 Satan." I put them back because I'm not in the market for sparking pizza.
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