Why I am the way I am

I just saw a news story out of Jackson, Mississippi, in which parents are angered at a PTA letter that went out at the beginning of the school year. Seems it was a plea for parents to get involved with the good ol' PT of A, and there were several options to choose from. I'm guessing they ranged from "Irritatingly chirpy in-your-face cupcake provider" to "Overzealous curriculum questioner hiding in the shadows," but the news story was about the last option on the list:

"No, I do not want to get involved. I want my children to be thieves, drug addicts, and prostitutes."

This got the more whiny parents upset, so they complained to the principal and started a whole hoohah. Clearly these people have no sense of humor. I told you that story so I could tell you this story:

When I was in first grade, back in the mid-80s, there was a big push at the time to increase children's self esteem -- I'm not sure what brought on the need for such a program, but the teachers and PTA went all-out. We spent a lot of time learning how to give each other compliments, which is fairly fruitless for kids who still believe in cooties. To illustrate the goodwill that gets passed along with a compliment, we were each given a small puffball of yarn called a "warm fuzzy," which we would hand to the person being complimented.

Sounds like a great idea on paper, but now you've got 35 six-year-olds who are hyper because there's something different than the normal lesson happening, and you've given each of them a projectile.

Anyway, I thought the whole thing was rather lame and a waste of time, which it was. Well, Open House night rolled around, and my parents were there because it's the right thing to do and because they are my biggest fans. Dad got stuck talking to some Irritatingly Chirpy Self Esteem Providing PTA Mom about the whole self esteem program, and I guess my dad had enough. He delivered what became one of the all time great Rhein family lines:

"My daughter doesn't need any of that. She's too ugly and stupid to have any self esteem."

And as the ICSEPPTA Mom gawped noislessly like an affronted fish, he excused himself and walked away. And now you know where I get my sense of humor.