Funundrum recommends

Today, Funundrum would like to recommend the Breakfast King restaurant, located on Santa Fe Blvd. in Denver. It's been there for ages, and has a brilliant menu for both breakfast and lunch (and, technically, dinner). We've driven past this place a number of times, but our hankering for a good breakfast burrito sent us over there with a purpose this morning.

For those of you not from Southern California, here's what goes into a proper breakfast burrito:

• scrambled eggs
• potato chunks (or hash browns, but this can go wrong fast)
• bacon, sausage, or chorizo
• cheese (preferably the Mexican white variety, but a jack and cheddar mix will do)
• hot sauce

All of this is wrapped up in a flour tortilla that was cooked in lard and made en mass in East LA and distributed to all the mom and pop breakfast/burger joints across the land.

Unfortunately, a proper breakfast burrito is nearly impossible to find outside of Southern California, mostly due to an inadequate concentration of Mexicans. I've decided to find this lack of burritoness charming -- it means that my hometown has its own unique foodstuff, a la a Philly cheesesteak, a NYC street vendor hot dog, or a koala-and-croc-meat kebab consumed in front of the Sydney Opera House/Harbour Bridge Tourist Center and Photo Opportunity.

While not perfect by any means, the Breakfast King comes close enough. Denver's unique foodstuff happens to be green chili, which deserves its own post but let's just say it's tasty when it's good, not so tasty when it's bad, and comes as an option on top of just about any dish served here. The Breakfast King breakfast burrito is no exception. It's got eggs (check), potatoes (check), ham, bacon, and sausage (pork trifecta of goodness -- check), and it's all wrapped up in a flour tortilla that was made with lard somewhere in East Denver (I guess).

Then they cover it in cheese and green chili. [sound of a record scratching to a halt] WTF PEOPLE? Why can't you put the cheese on the inside, like normal burrito folks, and what is up with the green chili on every damn thing? Well, we got our waitress, Alice, to put the cheese inside and the chili on the side, and it turned out okay. The green chili was actually the best I've had, and the Breakfast King proudly serves no fewer than four (4) hot sauces: red Tabasco, green Tabasco, Cholula, and Tapatio.

When the Mexican man in the cowboy hat and his family walked through the door, it almost felt like home.