Friday, June 03, 2005

What I do.

This is actually actual copy that actually got sent to me by an actual medical doctor, who allegedly went all the way through an actual university:



As with any surgery, sometimes events take place that are not planned. The standard risks with surgery are infection, bleeding, and blood clots. Blood clots, if they shoot off to the lungs, can be a lift threatening problem [ed. note: apparently only dangerous in an elevator]. More specific to skin removal surgery, there are three issues to be aware of. The first is fluid collections. Your body will make fluid to heal after any surgery, sometimes, your body will not drink the fluid back up, so it would need to be drained in the office. The second is the possibility that the skin pulls apart. The doctor will remove as much as skin as possible, sometimes, when you feeling better, your increased activity can pull the skin apart through the stitches. Though this sounds like a big problem, it is not. It will heal fine on its own; it will just take about 3 – 4 months. Thighs are very notorious for this, because everyone’s legs are so powerful. Also, in general, the recovery from the thighs can be prolonged. Finally, rarely, there is a chance that the skin that is operated on, will not get enough blood to live, so that it would turn into a scab and then heal from the inside out.



P.S.-- "We are the Notorious Thighs! Give it up for our special guests, the Fluid Collections! NOW.... ARE YOU READY TO ROCK, L.A.????!!!!??" For those of you who have not heard me do the "great name for a rock band" spiel (credit goes to Dave Barry), I always say it in my very best Spinal Tap bad English accent. So that's how you should read it out loud. Go ahead, I'll wait.

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