Dear Weather Channel:

Thank you for your recent interest in my viewership. It may please you to know that we are already a frequent visitor to your channel, mostly in direct relation to the severity of the weather outside. When there's even the remotest chance of a blizzard or a heat wave, we're right there with you, in search of the day's dewpoint, humidity level, and chance of debilitating climactical change.

Your recent foray into creative vocabulary, however, gives Funundrum no choice but to reluctantly reject your application for acceptance... in general. The incident to which we refer is, of course, your evening weatherman's report of the tropical depression off the coast of Texas, immediately after he indicated the possiblity of another four inches of rain in the near future. "We're now in what we like to call a 'nowcast' situation," he proclaimed.

No. We are not, in fact, in a "nowcast" situation. I believe this turn of events calls for the eloquent and time-tested term "the present."

In light of this disappointing performance, you will surely understand our reluctance to continue our professional relationship together. We wish you the utmost in your future undertakings and thank you for your contribution to our organization.