Liz: 1 Evil Child: 0

Chris and I went to Uno's Pizza today, mostly because we hadn't eaten there yet since we moved here. We were just finishing up our mediocre deep dish when several children under the age of 5 came by, with parents ahead of and behind them. There was one wretched little boy who insisted on making that awful squeaky screechy noise (caps in the middle are to denote Doppler effect):

"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

I just didn't feel like it so I simply shouted at him "Knock it OFF!" Now, just so everyone is clear on my meanness level -- I couldn't be heard 10 feet away, no one turned around to see who yelled... I simply made an emphatic point in the direction of this little boy, enough to be heard over the bad late 80's music.

Well, Mom or Auntie or whatever who was bringing up the rear didn't think it was so hot that someone was taking on the burden of disciplining her child. So she made a bold confrontation that consisted of standing at some distance and staring at me. I refused to make eye contact -- she was going to have to work for this one if she wanted it. No, I just continued to enjoy my pizza. She eventually stomped off and to my delight, reappeared outside with the rest of the clan who was walking past the window. She started pointing at me and talking, so there was nothing for me to do but give the smug nod that means "Yeah, bitches, that's right" in any language.

She moved beyond my line of vision, but Chris still kept a lock on her. Mind you, this was the funniest thing that had happened to either of us all day. She apparently stopped in her tracks, turned around, and made the "no-no" gesture. Not the simple finger wag, but the far more elaborate one wherein you repeatedly drag your index finger along the length of your other index finger.

Sometimes, it's the little things that bring me joy.

Update: I have been informed that the "no-no" gesture would be more accurately described as the "shame on you" gesture. Thanks, Anika. You are correct.