An open letter to one.org

Dear one.org,

I am beyond impressed with the mad skillz that you have presented in the last several months, leading up to the G8 conference and beyond. It's pretty cool that you get mentioned at every single U2 show, and that you have a snappy* tv advert with luminous stars such as Brad Pitt and Dave Matthews. You've even managed to elbow your way into the wristband fad, previously reserved for people with one testicle and those who admire people with one testicle.

I don't fall into either one of those two categories. And yet I wanted to purchase your wristband. Because I'm a U2 fan? Of course. Because I believe in the one.org cause? Yes. Because I want to send a message to President Bush and the rest of the G8 leaders that continued Western-induced poverty in Africa is unacceptable? Hells yes.

But mostly, I wanted to buy a 10-pack of your wristbands (and a t-shirt, too, let's not forget) because I wanted to feel like a better person around both friends and strangers. I mean, this is something that I manage to do most of the time anyway. But with your help, one.org, I can proudly point to my accessories and say to all those within the sound of my voice: "What have YOU done to save Africa today, douchebag?"

Yes, that would be wonderful. However, you won't allow me to indulge in this fantasy. You peevishly ask for my shipping and billing information time and time again, yet refuse to drop it into my checkout invoice. The "Select Shipping Method" button remains tauntingly blank, because you say that you don't know where I live. According to you, I live in a greedy, capitalist nation, led by an angry cowboy who couldn't care less about a failed continent on the other side of the world. So I don't see where the communication failure lies.

In closing, one.org, while I admire your organizational tenacity when it comes to grabbing the ears of heads of state, you can't forget the little people. And I'm not talking about the Africans here, people.

*May God have mercy on my soul. You're only rolling your eyes if you've seen the ad.