Do you ever do that thing

... where you rub your eye, and a little air bubble or something gets stuck beneath the eyelid, and it just kind of sits there for a second before it makes its way out with the tiniest of pops? It's kind of gross but probably one of the many things that Jesus wanted to experience while he was a person. That and the piss shiver. Oh, and... wait, here it comes:

Top Five Things That Jesus Probably Looked Forward To Doing As A Human Being

5. Eyelid air bubble
4. Piss shiver
3. When your nose and sinuses are all stuffed up, and then suddenly everything decompresses, and it kind of makes a sound but you're not sure if anyone else can hear it
2. Cleaning out ears with Q-Tips and putting them in deeper than the package says to because it feels good (Please back the hell off. I know there were no Q-Tips in Jerusalem back in the day. But I figure he could have worked something out.)
1. Making the vwip-vwip-vwip noise with corduroy pants

This is by no means an exhaustive list, as I'm sure Jesus wanted to do some other stuff as well. But it's a good start, and a fitting beginning to the Christmas season. Or something.