Have you ever heard the saying that wisdom comes when you learn how much you don't know? It was brought to my attention today that my self-actualization may be a few years off yet. I didn't realize until today that there's a name for M&Ms that aren't M&Ms. Really, how would you ask for M&Ms in a store if you could only use a generic name for them? (If you answered "Smarties," congratulations. You are British. Or Australian. You are also wrong.)
Turns out they are called "chocolate lentils," which is just about the most unappealing name for a candy that I can think of. It's like calling jelly beans "sugar lima beans" or something. Anyway, chocolate lentils are the things you buy to grace your wedding reception munchie bowls when you are too poor to have M&Ms, or even Smarties, god forbid.
Here's where I'm going with this. If I show up at a wedding reception and see a bowl of chocolate lentils on the table, I am going to first be appreciative of the fact that they exactly match the color of your bridesmaids' dresses. I'm then going to be a teeny bit frightened at the fact that you micromanaged your wedding to the point where your chocolate lentils match your bridesmaids' dresses. Finally, I shall sample aforementioned lentils, and my face will take on an imperceptibly puzzled rictus of horror as I realize that I'm not eating M&Ms. I'll peer down at the remaining candies in my hand, turning them over and over in search of the trademark "M," which will of course not be there because you cheaped out on generic lentils. This will, of course, make me wonder about the quality of the other foodstuffs at your celebration, and I'll secretly wonder if I can sneak my Cuisinart toaster off the gift table and instead leave a check just big enough to pay for a lower quality generic toaster that won't toast on the first try but instead will require you, every morning, to whack the lever back down a second time. After all, second best is apparently good enough for you.
The good news is that I'll never take action on any of this, provided that you've got an acceptable open bar. Let that be a warning to you.
3 comments:
You can order custom color M&Ms. I saw an ad for them. I think you can even customize what it says on them. So you can match those bridesmaid dresses with the real M&Ms, not the cheesy generic ones.
Auntie M (&M)
I always thought "chocolate lentils" was another weird vegan thing, like "nutritional yeast". I guess not.
OK, I stumbled on this 'cause I was searching on "M&Ms custom color" (I don't actually need a custom color, just all the same color). Anyway -- hilarious! Thanks for a laugh.
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