I found something the other day that surpassed anything from the Shangri-La that is New Jersey. It was modeling tiaras and headbands. Without further ado, I bring you... prom leftovers from West Sheboygan High, 1998. Okay, not really, but this is what ugly Midwesterners look like in my mind. Yes, I am aware that I'm a bad person.
This is clearly a man. There is no other explanation.
"Hi... yeah, I know. The hair's awful, the tiara's got way too much going on, and my picture is next to a man dressed up like a bride. The best I can do is scrunch up my nose knowingly and pray for your sympathy."
As you can see, this particular tiara belongs to the Waffle House Waitress collection. "Please, hon, can you decide whether you want your hash browns smothered and covered or not? These dyeable pumps are killing me and my smoke break started two minutes ago."
This photo does the best job of convincing me that this individual has two X chromosomes. However, was it really too much trouble to pop out and buy half a dozen real roses for the photo shoot? Oh, it was? Then how about getting fake roses in a color that actually appears in nature? It's like they did the shoot behind a gas station and they were limited to whatever was for sale next to the cash register. Their choices were this purple rose, an astrology scroll, or a lighter with Tweety Bird on it.
Also, does anyone else find it disconcerting that she may very well be nude in this photo? Me too.
2 comments:
I see a little hint of boob coverage.
Obviously the producers of this photo shoot had $25.90 (that's $12.95 per girl) to get their hair and makeup done at Sam's Follicles n' Foibles. I don't see why they couldn't have brought in a spasmodic rat to do the job, and used the money for a prettier fake rose instead.
The rose reminds me the Stranger's With Candy episode where Jerri Blank has to decide what her future career aspirations are, and the local artificial flower plant is trying to convince all the kids to come work for them. The model's all "Look mom, I'm a real model, and I only had to blow two guys and pay the very reasonable $3000 registration fee at the Model Barn to get this sweet gig."
I can't wait to shop for "mother of the bride" dresses, with you.
Love, Mom
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