Attention Italy: No.

When we got into Anaheim on Friday night, we tuned into the Olympic opening ceremony, mostly to mock what some performance artist thought would be a heartrending representation of Italy and her people, interpreted through leotard-wearing stiltwalkers. Or whatever. The opening ceremonies of any Olympics are all similarly overboard and needlessly conceptual.

So there we were, drinking Bud light and watching giant balloons collide in a move that symbolizes the unity and fraternity of people worldwide, when the tri-language announcers brought on the next act: a Formula One Ferrari. Now, that's cool, as Italy is all about the Ferraris. But as the driver was sitting there, revving his engine, we wanted desperately to know what this guy was going to do in the confines of the stadium.

The answer: donuts.

Yeah. All the glory, dignity, and honor of the Olympic Games, distilled down into an asshole doing donuts in the middle of the stadium. For like, a long time. Bob Costas was trying very hard to keep it together, and managed to spit out, "Well. That's certainly a first for the Olympics." Just terrible.

photo credit: AP