Timmy would be proud.

I was at the gym, pounding out the last few minutes on the Precor machine, and I started to look around to plan my next move. I decided on crunches. There are 3 crunch benches. Two of them were in use, and the third had a man sitting on it. But he wasn't doing crunches. He was yakking on his phone, as he had been for the last ten minutes. He was Greasy Phone Douchebag -- you know the type.

So I approached him, friendly as could be, big smile on my face, and pointed at the machine. "Can I use that?" I asked him. He looked up and actually gave me the "just a minute" finger. What followed was just bizarre; I reproduce it faithfully here for my readers. The spelling goes all funny to indicate the point at which I inadvertently went Noo Yawk for a minute. I do that when I have to look tough.

Greasy Phone Douchebag: "just a minute finger", goes back to talking on phone
Me: "No, I'd like to use the machine now."
GPD: "I'm using it right now."
Me: "You're talking on the phone!"
GPD: "No, I'm using the machine."
Me: "No, you're not. Yoo tawkin' on da phone, or yoo yoosin' da machine?"
GPD: "I'm doing both."
Me: "I'd like to see you try!"

At this point, the GPD slowly lowers himself onto the bench, and actually starts doing crunches with the phone up to his ear. After a few, he looks back to see if I'm still there. Hells yes, I wouldn't miss this show for the world.

About 30 seconds later, he wrapped up the phone conversation, and continued doing crunches in silence. At this point I went on upstairs, where I knew there were plenty of machines free.