Funundrum: changing lives since 2005

I think maybe one reason I had to scale back my postings on this blog is that I was just having far too big an impact on the world -- I was altering history on a dangerous level. Like, you know in "Back to the Future," how Marty's brother and sister were disappearing from that picture because of Marty's actions? That level.

I offer you one example.

Remember the elusive giant bow from last Christmas?

I got a comment on that post about six months ago from a fellow by the name of Todd, who said, "I am the owner of CR Bows We specialize in just that. GIANT BOWS. We also have the worlds largest available to the public. I hope this helps. Have a wonderful day."

I checked it out -- he sure does have a website. Here it is. Good luck, fella.

If that's not enough of reaching out and touching someone via Teh Intartubes, I received a pair of messages that read like a classic holiday tale of gift-giving-related strife, last-minute epiphanies, and resulting success. All it needed was for him to throw open the window sash to the pealing of bells in the crisp Victorian morning air and shout, "Huzzah! For it is still Christmas day!"

The first comment found our protagonist with a serious issue: "I just bought an SUV for my wife for Christmas. I called the local Lexus dealer to see if they had bows for sale, but no luck! I don't have time to order one on line, so I am thinking of buying 10 rolls of wrapping paper from Wal-Mart and going wild with the scotch tape. Any recommendations on the best way to wrap a Suburban?"

Did you find the problem yet? That's right, he bought his wife an American-made, gas guzzling behemoth with no regard to his carbon footprint on the earth or his asshole footprint on the road. I was honestly too busy to reply to him, what with 1) preparing to go home to California for a week and 2) he posted anonymously and I would have had to do the public post, like I am now. It lacked drama.

Fortunately, my blog has such a grasp on the fabric of reality that he was able to draw his own inspiration without my direct involvement. A few days later, I got this update:

"Hey- It's me, the guy trying to giftwrap the Chevy Suburban again. As a clueless yet gregarious male I have found that I am able to go into stores that are generally thought of as female (such as fabric stores) and have one of the ladies working there take me in as if I were a lost puppy and help me out! So I stopped into Jo-Ann Fabrics last night and found a middle aged lady working there, told her what I was doing, and next thing you know not only has she picked out all of the things necessary to make the bow, but she has also taken me aside and made the entire thing for me! So now I have a giant custom made bow that matches the car inside and out with enough extra ribbon to wrap around the vehicle all for $10. I think making the bow and the conversation we had during the time made her day (and it definitely made mine too)."

See? This pretty much would have been my advice anyway! Reading Funundrum is good for you, boys and girls. Lesson #2 is: stop buying big cars. They are dumb. Good night.