Happy Halloween!

This year, I wanted to go with a ki'i (that's fancy Hawaiian for "tiki god," more or less) on account of our upcoming trip to the Big Island this January. My choices of pumpkin were limited -- a taller, skinnier one would have been ideal, but this one did just fine. We are planning on seeing the real version of this ki'i at Puuhonau o Honaunau National Park.

A story about Chris

Our friends Sarah Marie and Stuart visited us a couple of weekends ago. Much like myself, Sarah Marie was raised Protestant and went and married a Catholic guy. She was giving him a hard time because of his "sad childhood," defined mostly as an upbringing devoid of songs such as "Jesus Loves Me." "It's true," he said, "I don't even know the words."

I was equally amused and appalled, and instantly turned to Chris to find out if this bizarre method of childrearing had been foisted upon him as well. "Chris -- do YOU know the words to 'Jesus Loves Me'?"

Chris was confident. "Sure thing. It's like,

Jesus loves me, this I know

Because the Bible says it's so

If he hollers let him go

E-I-E-I-O

I legally died laughing. I was out for a good ten minutes, and spent some quality time with my grandparents, Abe Lincoln, and a pet rat named Chloe before I came back to this dimension.

Things That Probably Make Me A Bad Person

Since it's coming around on Halloween time once again, I've started to see a lot of related articles and such on the internet. More than once, I've read the inevitable stories of people who grew up on the same block as the neighborhood dentist. Because dentists often suck at having fun (that's science fact -- look it up), trick-or-treating at their house often resulted in a toothbrush, or maybe some floss.

See, here's where I'm different. If I was a dentist, I'd be handing out big ol' handfuls of taffy, Jolly Ranchers, and caramel corn. Anything that tends to get stuck in tiny little teeth.

This concludes today's edition of "Things That Probably Make Me A Bad Person."